A woman is planning to hide an inheritance she recently received due to her partner’s “depression and impulsive behaviour”.
She has shared her reasoning on Mumsnet, explaining she recently discovered her grandmother had left each of her grandchildren £60000 ($128,430).
The money was distributed this week however the woman hasn’t told her partner of eight years about the windfall.
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“For context, we own a house together as tenants in common with both of us putting down equal deposits and splitting the mortgage and bills 50/50,” she explained.
“DP is 37 and earns £65k pa ($139,083.16), he has two teen children from his previous marriage who we have EOW and half the holidays, he pays maintenance, uniforms, allowance etc,” she said.
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The woman is 31 and earns “£52k pa ($111,241.52) with no children”.
“We have a joint account where all household expenses are paid from and we both transfer the same amount each month, but get paid into our separate accounts,” she wrote.
“He has approximately £40k ($85,610.40) personal savings and also some shares/ crypto but I don’t know the value of these.
“I only had £20k ($42,805.20) until now as the deposit for the house are most of my savings.”
“Our relationship has been very difficult the past couple of years with my partner’s depression and impulsive behaviour making me feel that we aren’t in a stable partnership,” she continued.
“He has always been very insistent on everything being 50/50 financially even when I was earning far less than I am now … [I]just accepted it because I didn’t want to viewed as a freeloader and I could look after myself.
“Now I’m wondering if it’s really sneaky of me to not tell him I have this money.
“I would like to put some of it on the mortgage but then he would ask where it came from etc.”
She ended by asking the forum if it’s “ok to have a secret bank account or what I should do with the money, we aren’t married”.
The majority of commenters are in agreement with her plans for the money.
“I’d stick it in your own account. If you were to split up then he’d get half the equity so I wouldn’t be rushing to pay off mortgage unilaterally,” one commented.
“I’d say definitely ok to keep this one to yourself as security for your future. He’s never supposed you when he has more so I see no reason why you should put yourself in a position where he’d expect to share,” another said.
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Another commented: “Sounds like you have strengthening doubts about the likely longevity of your relationship. Choose very wisely.”
“Don’t pay off the mortgage, that’s too much of a joint benefit, he has savings if he wanted to reduce the mortgage he could, save it towards your retirement or an investment only for you,” another agreed.
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“Don’t tell him about this money,” added another. “Add it into your own savings.”
“I wouldn’t tell my partner of 20 plus years and we are very happy with kids,” explained another. “But he has a tendency to spend and not save at all! . So i would keep it for emergencys or the future and not tell him.
“Obviously if he needed something or we wanted to go somewhere or fix something I would use it .”
“Handy for him, that you are 50% providing a suitable home for his childcare efforts,” another said.
“Bin him, you now have enough money to buy your own standalone property. Sell current house or perhaps he can buy u out.”
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