A 63-year-old reader had planned to retire next year but isn’t sure she’ll be able to afford to if her 28-year-old son moves back home
In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze.
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This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at [email protected] with yours.
Dilemma
’I’m 63, living in Croydon, South London, and had planned to retire next year.
My mortgage is nearly paid off, and I’ve built up a modest pension. But now, my 28-year-old son has asked to move back in.
He lost his job last year and has been unable to find stable work since. His savings are depleted, and he’s struggling with rent and bills.
His situation tugs at my heart. He’s my only child, and I want to support him. But I also worry about the financial implications.
Having him back home would increase my household expenses – utilities, groceries, and more.
It might mean delaying my retirement, dipping into my savings, or even taking on part-time work to cover the additional costs, which I really don’t want to do.
I also fear the emotional toll. I’ve lived alone for years and value my independence.
I think having him back could disrupt the life I’ve built. And then there’s the worry that he might end up staying indefinitely.
I’m torn between my desire to help my son and my need to secure my own future.
Is it selfish for me to prioritise my retirement plans? Or is it reasonable to expect adult children to stand on their own, even in tough times?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies
I feel for you – it’s not easy when personal finances and family loyalty pull in opposite directions.
Many parents are finding themselves in similar situations, especially with retirement in sight and grown-up kids still needing support.
What I would do is start by working out exactly what it would cost to have him living with you – extra bills, food, and any other day-to-day expenses.
Then have a proper look at how those added costs might push back your retirement plans. You need a clear picture of what’s at stake before making any big decisions.
It’s also really important to set some boundaries early on.
If he does move in, talk about how long he’ll stay and whether he can contribute anything financially, even if it’s just a token amount. That helps with your costs and encourages him to take some responsibility too.
Don’t forget there might be other ways to support him. Could he apply for benefits, get help with job-seeking, or look into cheaper shared accommodation with friends?
These options might ease the pressure on both of you, so maybe suggest them.
Your retirement matters – you’ve worked really hard for it. Helping him doesn’t mean sacrificing your own stability.
With open and honest conversations, some structure, and a bit of planning, I think it’s more than possible to support him without putting your future at risk.
