A reader’s dad left money to both grandchildren, but he’s hesitant to give his son his share due to his poor money management
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This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at [email protected] with yours.
Dilemma
Earlier this year my dad passed away, and while he didn’t have much, the sale of his house brought in a modest sum.
In his will, he left 10 per cent of the proceeds to each of his grandchildren – my daughter, who is 25, and my son, who is 21. The rest came to me and my sister.
My daughter is sensible, focused, and has been diligently saving for a deposit.
She’s thrilled with the inheritance – she’s putting the full amount towards a flat she hopes to buy within the year. It’s exactly what my dad would have wanted.
My son, on the other hand, is a different story. He’s bright, but still living in the moment. He doesn’t save. He’s bounced between jobs and dropped out of a uni course. He says he wants to travel, but hasn’t made concrete plans.
If I handed him this money now – it’s about £15,000 – I suspect it would vanish within months.
I’m not judging him harshly – I remember what I was like at 21 – but it’s a large sum, and I don’t want it wasted.
My instinct is to quietly hold onto it. Maybe put it in a cash ISA and keep it until he’s ready to settle down, for a wedding, a mortgage, something tangible. But would that be dishonest? The money is his, after all.
My dad didn’t leave any stipulations, just a straight 10 per cent to each grandchild.
Am I honouring his wishes more by safeguarding it… or by handing it over in good faith?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper‘s money reporter, replies
This is a tricky situation, and I can see why you’re torn.
On one hand, you want to protect your son from making mistakes he may regret, and on the other, you want to respect your dad’s wishes.
While it’s understandable that you’d want to delay giving him the inheritance, I think it’s important to take a step back and consider the broader picture.
The gift your dad left was meant for both of his grandchildren. It’s a gesture of love and recognition, and morally speaking, it’s important to honour that intention.
Withholding the money, even with the best of intentions, risks undermining that trust between you and your son.
If he were to find out later, he might feel betrayed, and it could harm your relationship in ways that are hard to repair.
While it’s true your son may not be the best with money right now, this could actually be a valuable opportunity for growth.
Sometimes, people learn their best lessons when they face the consequences of their own decisions.
By allowing him to manage the money, even if he spends it quickly, you’re giving him a chance to develop skills that he may not otherwise have had to confront at this stage in his life.
Yes, it’s hard to watch him struggle, but those struggles might help him mature faster than any amount of saving or budgeting advice you could offer.
One way to balance your concern and the need to give him the freedom to manage it is to approach it with a conversation. Be upfront about the money, but also offer guidance.
Encourage him to think about what he could do with it, and perhaps suggest options like saving it for a future goal – but at the end of the day, it’s his to decide.
This isn’t just about financial responsibility, it’s about trust and the opportunity to let him take ownership of his life choices.
Sometimes, people want to protect their children so much that they forget they need the space to learn.
The best thing you can do is give him that space, while also offering support when needed.
After all, your dad trusted both his grandchildren to handle his gift – and perhaps this is your opportunity to show your son that you trust him, too.
