I used to roll my eyes whenever I heard that quote about being the average of the five people around us. I mean, how could the people in my life possibly sway my future so dramatically? It wasn’t until I reflected on my own trajectory—especially my early startup days—that I realized how profoundly my environment influenced my mindset, ambition, and even my sense of possibility.
Being around founders who threw themselves into twelve-hour work sessions made me push my limits. Spending time with peers who devoured productivity books sparked my curiosity enough to experiment with those approaches myself. On the flip side, whenever I got too cozy with folks who constantly complained about how “nothing ever works out,” my motivation took a nosedive.
I’ve seen firsthand how the people closest to us have a silent yet powerful impact on how we set goals, handle setbacks, and define success. Let’s talk about what that looks like and how you can harness it to your advantage.
The first step to understanding the importance of your social circle is realizing that we’re all products of our environment. James Clear often says, “Environment is the hidden force that drives everything we do.” He’s referring primarily to our physical surroundings—like keeping healthy snacks on your counter instead of junk food—but the same principle applies to our relationships.
When you’re immersed in conversations about growth, creativity, and resilience, you start believing those things are normal and attainable. Conversely, if you’re consistently around negativity or stagnation, adopting a glass-half-empty outlook becomes surprisingly easy.
Simply put, if your friend picks up a negative habit, such as smoking or frequent complaining, you’re more likely to develop it too. The reverse is also true for positive habits. Surrounding yourself with ambitious people sets a higher standard for your own expectations. It’s not about blindly mimicking your friends’ or colleagues’ behavior; it’s about absorbing their energy, outlook, and sense of possibility.
How to identify the right influences
One of Warren Buffett’s most famous pieces of advice is to spend time with those who are better than you in some way. He said, “Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.” This isn’t about idolizing anyone. It’s about finding people who have qualities you admire—discipline, creativity, or perhaps a calm demeanor—and allowing those qualities to rub off on you.
But how do you figure out who these people are? I like to start by noticing who leaves me feeling energized or positively challenged after an interaction. Do I walk away with new ideas or a clearer sense of direction? Or do I feel drained, uninspired, or trapped in repetitive mental loops?
It might surprise you that the “right influences” aren’t always the most accomplished individuals on paper. I’ve met CEOs who were brilliant in their fields yet carried a toxic attitude that drained everyone else’s morale. Conversely, I’ve known junior team members whose positivity was so contagious they motivated everyone around them to step up their game. Skill alone doesn’t determine healthy influence; it’s the combination of mindset, supportiveness, and a willingness to help others grow.
When it’s time to move on
Let’s be honest: sometimes we evolve beyond the social circles we initially found ourselves in. It’s not about judging old friends or colleagues as “bad”; it’s recognizing when they no longer resonate with where we’re headed. If you’re launching a tech startup but spending most of your time with people who view entrepreneurship as a pipe dream, maintaining your enthusiasm will become increasingly challenging. I’ve mentioned this before in a different context—being surrounded by negativity can quietly chip away at your resolve.
I once had to distance myself from a group of fellow founders who, for a time, had been my key support system. Initially, we were all forging our own paths, but as time went on, some grew cynical and resentful about the industry. Their coffee breaks became gripe sessions about investors, employees, and the “impossible” task of scaling up. It was exhausting. I knew I wanted to remain optimistic, even in the face of tough odds. So I consciously limited those interactions. It stung at first, but ultimately became a turning point toward reclaiming a healthier perspective.
This doesn’t mean you should suddenly ghost old friends and join a new clique. It’s more about adjusting boundaries than cutting ties. The key is protecting your mental real estate and staying true to the path you want to follow.
Harnessing the power of positive connections
When you’re selecting your inner circle, ask yourself: “Is this relationship aligned with my core values and ambitions?” If the answer is yes, invest more of your time and energy there.
Recently, a friend joined a mastermind group—an online community of entrepreneurs—and was amazed by the collaborative mindset. Instead of complaining about market saturation, members constantly shared marketing tips, tech tools, and personal development strategies. He told me this collective sense of responsibility and motivation was something he’d never experienced locally.
Seek high-quality people you can eventually call your tribe. The best part is you don’t even need to live in a major city—online communities, conferences, and local workshops can connect you with others on a similar journey.
How to cultivate your circle with intention
I used to think building a powerful social circle meant collecting business cards at networking events until I had a massive stack of contacts. But I learned it’s more about depth than breadth. Meaningful relationships grow from shared values, mutual respect, and genuine curiosity. Here are some practical steps for cultivating a circle that fuels success:
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Look for authenticity: Find people who genuinely care about what they do. Passion is contagious, and authentic individuals tend to be more enjoyable collaborators.
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Offer help without expectation: Networking shouldn’t be transactional. If you can provide value—whether a skill or an introduction—do so generously. People remember acts of generosity, often returning the favor in unexpected ways.
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Engage in lifelong learning together: Forming bonds through shared learning—like reading the same business book or trying a productivity challenge—amplifies results. As Charlie Munger famously said, “Develop into a lifelong self-learner through voracious reading; cultivate curiosity and strive to become a little wiser every day.”
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Communicate openly: When someone in your circle offers constructive criticism, embrace it as an opportunity to grow. Vulnerability and open communication build trust, the foundation of any strong relationship.
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Regularly reassess who’s in your orbit: Life evolves and goals shift—that’s normal. A relationship that served you in one phase might become limiting in another. Stay aware of how each connection affects you. If negativity outweighs positivity, it might be time to adjust.
Expanding on that last point: During a period of intense doubt when one of my ventures struggled, my circle—friends, mentors, even acquaintances from an industry group—encouraged me to pivot and explore new strategies. Their support ultimately led me to partner with someone whose technical expertise I lacked. That partnership saved my business and guided it in a direction I never would have pursued alone. Being open to new connections made all the difference.
I also want to acknowledge this isn’t a quick fix. Changing your circle can feel slow and sometimes awkward. You might have to step outside your comfort zone, join that meetup group, or reach out to someone you admire. But persistence pays off, and the rewards are transformative. Your social circle becomes a think tank that cheers you on, keeps you accountable, and expands your perspective daily.
When you pour energy into building a high-quality circle, you’re investing in your future success just as much as if you were investing in your education or skill set.
Here’s the most crucial takeaway: your circle isn’t just about who you want in your life—it’s about who you become because of them. Surround yourself with curious, driven, and supportive people, and it becomes almost impossible not to absorb those qualities. Conversely, if your environment is full of excuses and negativity, those mindsets subtly creep into your behavior before you notice. Recognizing this dynamic is a significant part of mastering your growth.
We all get to choose who we let into our world and how we engage with them. That’s a superpower—if you wield it correctly. Think about where you want to be in one, five, or ten years. Now ask yourself: does your current social circle help or hinder that vision? If the answer feels murky or negative, remember it’s within your power to adjust course. The path may not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
Until next time, friends.
