A reader wants to ask her parents for some of her inheritance early to pay for a house deposit, but she feels awkward about it
In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze.
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This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at [email protected] with yours.
Dilemma
I never expected to be in this situation, but here I am, stuck in the rent trap, watching house prices rise while my savings barely grow.
I’m 33, I earn £42,000 a year, and despite cutting back on everything – no holidays, no takeaways, no unnecessary spending – I still can’t afford a deposit.
My parents, on the other hand, are living very comfortably.
They own their home outright, have healthy pensions, and have told me and my younger sister that we’ll inherit everything one day.
I’m grateful, of course – but what good is an inheritance when I’m 60? By then, I’ll have spent decades paying someone else’s mortgage.
I’ve been thinking about asking them if they’d be willing to give me part of my inheritance now – enough for a deposit, maybe £50,000.
I know they can afford it, and I wouldn’t ask if it would leave them struggling.
But I worry it would come across as selfish or entitled. My sister hasn’t mentioned needing help, so would it be unfair to take a chunk of what should be shared equally?
There’s also the awkwardness of even bringing it up.
How do you ask your parents for money without sounding like you’re waiting for them to die?
Would it put pressure on them, make them feel like I see them as a bank? Or is it simply a practical solution to a modern problem?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies
You won’t be alone here – this is an increasingly common dilemma, as home ownership becomes harder while older generations hold more wealth.
But before asking your parents for the cash, you need to consider the financial and emotional implications really carefully.
Firstly, inheritance tax (IHT) could be a key factor. In the UK, estates worth over £325,000 are taxed at 40 per cent on anything above that threshold.
If your parents’ estate includes a main residence passed to direct descendants, they may benefit from an additional £175,000 allowance, bringing their total tax-free threshold to £500,000 each, or £1m combined.
If their total estate exceeds this, your inheritance could be heavily taxed later – meaning giving money now could actually be tax-efficient.
Parents can give financial gifts while they’re alive, but to avoid IHT entirely, they must live for at least seven years after the gift is given.
If they pass away before then, the money could still be taxed on a sliding scale.
They can also give £3,000 each tax-free every year, plus small gifts of up to £250 per person. If they’re happy to structure the help over time, this could be a way to reduce tax exposure.
They should consider seeking financial advice if they are worried about falling foul of the rules.
But beyond the financials, consider fairness and family dynamics.
Do you think this could make your parents feel pressured? And would your sister be comfortable with the arrangement?
It’s essential to have an open conversation with everyone first and do be prepared for a “no.”
Rather than framing it as an inheritance request, you could ask if they’d be willing to help with a deposit, with clear terms. That way, it’s about their generosity, not their eventual passing.
